School glorious school. I knew it would be a test of my patience, but it's also been a test of my self esteem. That I didn't anticipate, not this time.
Learning and applying that learning has had me extremely busy over these past few months. We lovers of control have to admit when we need to back off, back down, let go, give up, give in, submit and surrender. Although, I am persistent if nothing else, and I still try to squeeze everything I can in the living moments that I have, especially if I'm healthy and the weather is good. Life stills flows on and I don't want to get left behind.
I've made some new friends this year, and some of them are really funny and fun loving! I can only hope they feel some kind of equal trade-off. It's become increasingly obvious this year, not just through experience, but through observance of other people, that I will have to release some of my need to be the general manager of the universe.
I don't know if it's just the horrible economy or the undeniable change in the top commanders, but it has started to feel too expensive to insist on having it all. There's just so many life situations that allow no possibility of exerting control over. Wow, am I growing up? Damn....
Don't worry, I'm not becoming fatalistic, it's just that 2010 was a year of being shut out, ineffective, facing endings and going through a lot of frustration and pain, while being abused by unyielding external forces and mean people.
I love that I'm standing at the door of the world's largest Geek Club. I'm so ready to be one of them! But, I have to admit, I aspire to being considered "kool", yes "kool". Meh, being smart is nothing if you can't have friends. I have finally started to apply my learning into creating and I am so excited!
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