I'm sending Facebook notes to a girl I use to really dislike to let her know I'm going to be in town next weekend. Like somehow over the years the slash and burn sessions became the badges of the life process, and bonded our lives. I don't know. Humans fool themselves about so much, and I'm not sure I really know what "forgiveness" means. What I do know is that time seems to mellow us out, and I actually do admire her, a LOT.
The social game can be compared to the annoying and sometimes boring repartee of a morning service or an evangelical dinner. I would never say such a thing! Mama, close your ears! But, on the other hand, I love playing the part, and social extortion has its benefits.
In my everyday, I like being real, and I prefer straight talk. But my vast treasure of friends are all so different, some have become so damn delicate, some already were. Which begs the never ending question of "Why are we friends?" The good side is they have been there for me when I've needed them, and I already know they will kick my ass if they want to. Am I only fooling myself? It at least gives me some comfort to know that I am needed, if only for something really weird and obscure.
When I get lucky enough to find love again, I expect my cynicism to subside, and my better self to once again take over. But, on the days the fog is just too heavy to see through, I simply perform the lines I've learned and dance the choreography I've memorized by sending notes to a girl I use to dislike to let her know I'm going to be around next weekend.
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