Sitting in the early morning darkness, listening to the spring rain. I was curled up in my bed covers meditating, just last week I started a work project for the Department of Education. Not a huge project, not particularly great pay, but good pay, good people and I'm using my brain a little more. The events of the past few weeks with the Healthcare Reform had me so angry at those who choose not to LOOK at what's going on, and took me back to the 60's when I was growing up and going to meetings with my Dad regarding de-segregation in Florida and watching the riots occurring in the north on television. I can remember my Dad being an old softie for the poor and disadvantaged and he believed so strongly in de-segregation and equality that he put his job on the line. The people I'm working with right now are the same way, God love 'em, but they also turn a blind eye to the fiscal nature of the changes that are happening, and these papers we are reading from the students are horrific. At least 2/3 rds of these kids do not know anything about the subject matter, nor can they communicate in writing. That scares me.
I've sat on that philosophical fence since I was child. My family was supposedly Democrat, but much has changed in those years, as has the party. I guess if I had never been thrown in the position of having to make my own money and raising a child as a single parent, going through periods of extreme poverty and not taking Welfare, I wouldn't take offense at what is going on, and I might still be a staunch liberal. As it is, I'm just lost, and mad, and I love the fact that someone, somewhere will use my anger to say I'm overreacting and should just "have faith." Right. I think there are people who could easily turn this into a civil war.
Last year we celebrated both the 40th anniversary of Motown and Woodstock. I found that fascinating. I played Motown tunes constantly on my phonograph and danced around my room singing along. Woodstock presented a different picture to me. I know a lot of people are still celebrating those days and saying they were proud to be a "hippie" but I was never a "hippie", nor did I smoke MJ. Tried it once, hated it. End of story. As far as "free love" and nakedness in public, I've never cared to participate. I don't hold it against people who want to, but I say take it behind closed doors! As far as "free love", well, that thought has been a hindrance to many relationships since. Even though the music of the participants of the Woodstock concert were amazing artists, I always held a certain "uneasiness" with their lyrics. I sensed a haughty, arrogant, "I'm better than you" attitude, and because of that,"I am entitled to do or say anything to you that I want to. " There was of course another side to Woodstock, that of peace, love and stop the war. I supported that. Vietnam was a disaster and we lost many good boys. I cried when I saw the war footage. I cried when I thought of the senseless deaths. But those memories are like bad relationships or better yet, the events of "911". One really only needs to revisit them occasionally to continue to feel the great impact.
Jimi Hendrix I loved, I thought he was real, but alas, he was a junkie. Actually, following Woodstock on the news is what has kept me from being a junkie. Even though the music was amazing during that time period, all these little quirks are what has made me hesitate to ever "celebrate" Woodstock. It's very similar to following Weber's operas. I love them, but something about them gives me a very uneasy feeling. I think it's because I concluded at a very young age that even though none of the story was possible, it was alluring to an addictive level. Possible addiction makes me run the other way.
In my house, we watched the evening news as a family, most of the time with Walter Cronkite. I watched the riots and the hippie fests with knots in my stomach and feelings of nausea. What is going on RIGHT NOW in this country? People are divided. If I had not been raised with some sort of discipline and moderation, I would feel invincible and entitled. (Not that I haven't acted that way at certain times in my life), but, as it is, from an early age I have been hyper aware. A thinker, making choices on my own, while guided by the values I was taught. I've always been independent and strong willed. If you know me, you know me. But, I was never a "Jesus Freak" either.
I have NEVER supported violence as a way to make change. However, I would join in to defend our borders. I know certain levels of violence can't be helped. People are passionate and terrified. I'm not fond of anyone NOT following the process. Rules are made for a reason. I do think that immigration leniency has caused HUGE problems. We don't have a consistent set of beliefs for the common good. But of course the argument of the new generation and their supporters is that the process doesn't work. I don't actually think any of them have been alive long enough to make that opinion. But, in their defense, it HASN'T WORKED in the last 20 years. People can accuse the "Republicans" and the "Tea Party" all they want, but I know, it's the wave of GREEDY, POWER HUNGRY LIARS. I honesty don't believe the administration cares about us, we aren't allowed to take care of our own, now the President wants us to bring more people to the table. I see the young and innocent caving. He is, after all, extremely charismatic.
I'm going to be forced to love them or leave them and I can't seem to accept either. Some of it is just being a mother. I wanted a good life for my offspring and their offspring, not constant angst and struggle. I wanted to be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor and the promises implied to me for living in the United States. I have learned that liberals don't tend to look at "non-disclosure" as a "lie" and so I have to sometimes rethink my stance. Yet, I feel like it's Great Britain in India all over again! The wealthy are trying to enslave all the classes, and the people are letting them because it's still a better life than not. Oh, I know it's not all of the wealthy, just the power mongers. These are the days I want to pray, but have no faith. Maybe that's why I'm scared.
When I read these stories put into their own words, I see where our children are being terribly ignored in real education. I see where "no child left behind" doesn't work, except to further promote the dependency of the ignorant on the government. The numbers are high my friends, and we really should be concerned. Perhaps, in time, we can address the true problems and make real change since this first step in legislation has been made. All I can say is that the Jim Crow Laws were on the books for a very very long time. I'm hoping with all my heart that legal oppression hasn't returned.
In the meantime, my liberal friends and my "Christian" friends AND my Republican friends will help keep me sane. They will patiently explain and I will work to stay silent and contemplative. I will always love their role in my life. ALWAYS. I am grateful that they tolerate me. I worry about their materials needs and they put cold cloths on my fevered head. I can find continued peace in quiet moments and good books, while finding happiness in being ALIVE and well. "The glass 1/2 Full..." principle.
Love to all.
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